I had a conversation at the weekend about writing. The conversation started with me expressing a desire to write a book some day. I said that I had this short story that I wrote in college that I would like to flesh out and turn into a book. The person I was talking to said the best writing is when it is honest and contains personal experience.
That got me to thinking about how honest people really are when they write (or in everyday life), be it in a diary or a blog. Do we really write out our deepest, most intimate thoughts? Or do we hold back for fear that someone might find them (in the case of a diary) or judge us publicly (in the case of a blog).
For instance, I have kept a journal since I was a teenager. I have written some things over the years that I have never said to another soul. To an extent that was being honest with myself, but in secret. Having re-read some of the journals that I kept I also wrote some stuff that wasn't completely honest but justified my actions at the time.
If I were to write a memoir and was 100% honest, I don't think any publisher would go near it. And no reader would find it interesting or of benefit to their own life. Nothing of great significance has happened yet in my life (I'm not ruling out the possibility of something happening in the future). But I think, if I were to write a semi fictional memoir, one that is based on my own experience but has a hint of imagination and a dash of fiction it could be a much more interesting and sellable read.That brings me back to my original question: Are we ever truly honest?
In the interest of experiment (and at the risk of exposing too much about myself) I'll get the ball rolling with some honesty:
1) I had my heart broken at 19. The short story I wrote in college was semi based on that situation. I am not discussing the events that led to the heartbreak on this blog, but I will say that I still care greatly for that person and sometimes miss him terribly. (After reading the story myself over the weekend I have decided that it will stay a short story as it is and never be seen by the light of day. The story is finished so there is no need to drag it out.)
2) I find Dublin an extremely lonely and isolating place. After nine years I can count my good friends on one hand. I wouldn't change them for the world yet still I wonder why I find it so hard to widen that circle. Surely I can't be the only person to feel this way, yet nobody ever says it. And people don't want to hear it.
3) I have a tendency to take it quite personally when people make a judgement call on me and decide they don't like me without taking the time to really get to know me. That may be linked to honest point #2 above, but I'm working on it. I remember someone telling me once that other people's opinion of me is none of my business. I try to remember that.
Another question I started to wonder about was "Is it always wise to be totally honest?". For example, if someone shares a piece of writing with you and asks for your opinion is it better to tell them straight out that you hated it (if that is the case) or is it better to bend the truth and let them down gently.
I have a friend who has asked my opinion on relationship issues. I don't know why she asks because a) I'm no Carrie Bradshaw and in no position to give relationship advice, and b) she never likes my honest opinion. So should I tell her what she wants to hear, or what she asked for... my opinion?
I have another friend who will ask me anything from what I really thought of her ex to should she get that 12 week permanent hair straightening treatment. She asks me such questions because, in her words, I am "the only person who will give me their honest opinion."
That's me. If you ask me to tell you something honestly, I will. Will I tell myself something honestly though? Well, that is a conversation for another day.
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